Given that you are reading this, you must have had some heartbreak. Heartbreak sucks. I’m so proud of you for reading this though because that means that you want to heal and let go- which is the first step! So yay- celebrate yourself a little bit here 🙂
There is no one-size-fits all approach to healing. We are going to come at this with a list of strategies, but if you try them for a while and they don’t seem to work, feel free to let go of them. Please note I said for a while because doing yoga and meditating one time isn’t going to magically heal your heart. It’s the habits that you form that cultivate self love and self compassion. Once we form habits that cultivate the things we want, we start becoming habitual self-lovers.
Let me tell you a little bit about myself and why you should listen to me in the first place. I’ve struggled most of my life with being the attached, anxious person seeking relationships with distant, avoidant types who never really wanted to commit. This resulted in me getting my heart invested way too quickly and thus, broken way too easily. I’ve had to pick my heart off the floor after a rape, which occurred by someone whom I was dating. Let’s just say- my heart has been shattered into a million pieces and then some. Thankfully, I learned the body, mind, and soul has a miraculous way of healing itself, if we just let it. If we just open our hearts to healing and practice some self-loving and self-compassionate rituals, we are well on our way to being healed and whole individuals. Personally, once I healed myself, I was finally ready for that love I’d craved so long and I was able to sift through the riff-raff to find my now husband. When we try to find love while still broken-hearted, we end up repeating the same cycle of love and devastation we’ve been trying to prevent.
Some of my favorite methods of healing:
Therapy or Coaching. Therapy and coaching are safe places where we can express our emotions freely without judgment. We can share our journeys with another soul and he or she can help us see the truth in that story. When I was still healing from my heartaches, my therapist walked me through each story and helped me see where I was responsible and where I was not. She helped me see how I enabled certain behaviors or allowed certain people into my life whom I knew weren’t rooting for my rise. Ultimately, she also led me to understanding why this cycle continued to repeat itself in my life. I think it’s important to think of therapists and coaches as people who hold space for us to self-discover. The responsibility of healing is not on the therapist or coach, it’s on us. But the therapist or coach can hold the space for us to discover our healing. If you’re curious as to the difference between a therapist and a coach, a therapist is not supposed to give you advice or really push you to get outside your comfort zone. Therapy is a great place to share your story initially and be directed towards healing. Coaching is for individuals who are tired of their own excuses and limiting beliefs and ready to be challenged and pushed outside their comfort zone. Click here to learn more about coaching.
Yoga. Yoga is a beautiful practice not only of the physical body, but of the mind and spirit as well. Wherever we are in our lives, our mat is there to meet us with presence, stillness, kindness, and compassion. Our mat is our mirror, reflecting our most genuine, true self back at us. Sometimes, the girl in the mirror may cry, sometimes she may dance, but she is always a warrior, fighting on our behalf. She is always looking at us without judgement nor shame and she helps us to see ourselves in light of that. Stepping onto our mat to face ourselves is the bravest thing we can ever do, and I have yet to find a joy and freedom that parallels it. Yoga also teaches us to sit and breathe through discomfort. It teaches us not to avoid the pain-because with discomfort comes great growth. We learn that discomfort isn’t something to be avoided. We also learn non-attachment- this is viewing ourselves and the world not with distance, but un-hooked by the end result. In yoga, some days we find certain poses easier than other days. We learn that we cannot be attached to the result, we can only be attached to what is in our control - our dedication to practice.
Meditation. Being an anxious person, meditation did not come easily to me. I still fight through each “squirrel” moment, but creating space for silence in my life has proved extremely valuable. When I settle my mind, I am able to listen to my heart and really feel what it is feeling. In our constant busy society, we rarely give ourselves this space and time. The small voice inside of us that might be screaming in pain often goes unnoticed until we silence the mind. You see, the mind likes to distract us with pretty things, achievements, or picking apart our lives or others. It’s easier for the mind to do these things than it is for it to quiet itself and just listen to the heart. I truly believe we have all the answers within us, we have the power to heal, it just requires a bit of self-discovery. Meditation is a great tool to discover what our hearts are longing for. Click here for my free healing meditation.
Journaling. Write it out. Open the notebook, and just write. If you can’t think of something to write, just start writing whatever words are coming to your mind. If you don’t think you have anything to say, you’re thinking too hard. My journal is a messy place where I sift through thoughts and ideas and feelings and dreams and just put it all out there. My journal doesn’t judge. Looking back on the start of journals also shows us how much progress we’ve made. Even if we don’t feel totally healed, just seeing that first page and feeling those feels again, we realize that we’ve come so far, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Think of your journal as a safe space to record your journey to healing, and something you can always refer to as a reminder that healing is possible. Click here to take part in my free 7 day Journal Challenge.
Learning to self-heal is a tool that will serve us for the rest of our lives. We cannot control pains that happen to us or our loved ones, but we can control the path to healing. The world is full of a lot of hurting people walking around, pretending everything is fine. Everything is not fine. We are hurting. And you know what sucks even more? Hurt people hurt people. So not only does our pain hurt ourselves, but our pain hurts those around us. When we take responsibility for our healing, when we start along that path, not only do we inspire others around us to heal, but the world becomes a lot safer place. The ripple effect occurs and we start seeing our healing not only transform our lives, but transform the lives of others.
My hope for this world is we all learn to heal. Because when we heal from whatever is hurting us, we take back our power. And a healed, empowered world is one that I want to live in.