The Most Honest Wedding Day Post
My wedding day was absolutely amazing, don’t get me wrong. The love and joy that was shared that day was truly remarkable and something that we will hold dear in our hearts for the rest of our lives. Was it an amazing day? Absolutely! Was it perfect? Umm, no. No day is ever perfect. The pressure society has put on wedding days has really gotten out of control. We are humans. We are flawed creatures.
Initially I wrote this post detailing everything that went wrong. I had about 10 things listed in the first five minutes of brainstorming. A few I’ll talk about, but others I purposefully didn’t include because they may upset those involved. I wanted to write these out because when I look at other people’s wedding photos, they always look so perfect. So even as you are looking at our photos, please remember, it wasn’t perfect. Things went wrong. And it was still beautiful and memorable and happy.
- My bridal bouquet was strange. The colors were off to me
- My makeup smeared on my eyes because I cried too much during the first look
- I spent $2500 on a tent because it was forecasted to rain, only to call and get it taken down the morning of, because it was definitely 70 and sunny
- I forgot to wear my Grandma’s garter
- I couldn’t find the letter I wrote to Matt, so I had to re-write one that morning.
- I couldn’t find the underwear I had packed to wear under my dress (and pink would definitely NOT work)
- I spilt red wine on my dress while dancing (dry cleaners do the literal work of God-- they miraculously got it all out!)
These may seem small to you, but to a bride who has been planning this day for 6 months, when something goes not according to plan, it’s easy to freak out and fixate. I thought about the flowers for probably a couple weeks after. Lol. Letting go of the “perfection” expectation is hard ya’ll! So I’m not saying I have it all figured out.
Now, when I think back to the day, I remember the feelings we shared, the tears that were shed in happiness and love, and the vows we made in front of our friends and family. The vows that brought almost everyone in the audience to tears (and maybe laughs when I mentioned the full body rash). I remember my dad’s heartfelt speech, I remember my MOH Bri making everyone in the audience vow to not ask if we’re going to have kids for 3 years. I remember all our friends and family helping out the entire weekend, from pouring champagne to decorating the arch and photobooth to meeting vendors. I remember guests staying late to help take out trash and collect lanterns and stack chairs. I remember all of that love that was poured out to us. LOVE that covered a multitude of flaws. So let me remind you, it was not perfect, but it was so dang beautiful and heartfelt and LOVE-filled, I would never want it to be perfect.
I think this goes over into our regular lives on social media, not just the wedding slideshow. We project the “highlight” reel to everyone, but fail to discuss the struggles, the heartbreaks, the disappointments.
Future Brides/Grooms... This is a really vulnerable time, and if you are sensitive like me, you will take way too many things personally. The fact that they didn’t RSVP to your wedding DOES NOT mean they don’t love you. Other people are going to have expectations of you and vendors are going to mess up and yes, you may forget your underwear, but none of that matters. What matters is the unbridled, messy, beautiful love you and your partner stood up there and proclaimed before God and loved ones. What matters is the joy, love, and happiness of two people declaring before an audience that they want to spend the rest of their lives together. It’s beautiful and magical and yes, sometimes messy.
Also, friends, the fact that you didn’t get invited to the wedding/ bachelor/bachelorette party does not mean the bride and groom don’t love you. Trust me, we love you all, and if we could have the perfect world, every single one of you would have been there and have celebrated with us.
In a spirit of jest, I created a pretty silly, but absolutely necessary checklist of what to do if you’re a guest at a wedding or a friend/acquaintance of the bride and groom that I think everyone needs to read. There are enough checklists for brides and grooms, what we really need is a checklist for EVERYONE ELSE (even if you weren’t invited) on how to behave:
- Have no expectations, literally none. Bring snacks, pack a flask, bring your own toilet paper. Get creative ya’ll. This day is not about you.
- Keep all lewd gestures (even as a joke) for the after party. Forreals.
- Do NOT wear white, beige, off-white or anything that could be misconstrued as bridal looking. I don’t even care if you wear shoes, but just don’t wear a white dress.
- If there’s dancing, DANCE. Even if just for one song. Get your ass on the floor and drop it like it’s hot. We’re here to celebrate, not sit!
- Help the bride or groom with whatever they may need! Does the bride need you to stand guard outside the window as she puts on her dress? Stand in that sun- vitamin D is good for you! (May want to add sun protection to the list of things to pack in your purse)
- Do NOT tell the bride her hair is going to “fall.” Don’t put that kind of energy on her precious locks! And if her makeup is smeared from crying all the happy tears, get her a tissue and help a sister out.
- Do not remind the bride or groom how much you spent on flights or hotel or their gift→ you should not have gone if it was a hardship or serious sacrifice!
- Do not make the bride or groom feel bad about ANYTHING that happened on their wedding day (even not being invited) -->Food was mediocre? Tell your therapist. NOT the bride or groom.
And that is all for my truth-filled, love-spewed, messy rant. Please enjoy these perfect photos of Matt and I taken by the amazing Sara Weir. Take note of my tear-smeared, love-filled makeup.